Mark Improves Interpersonal Skills with Coaching
Dry. Too intense. Unapproachable.
That's how colleagues described Mark, a manager in a biotech company responsible for leading meetings all day long. People left sessions discouraged and disgruntled. They complained that Mark was too heavy-handed to serve in management, and asked that he be transferred.
Concerned about morale, Mark's employer brought in Communication Power for coaching. Richard Klees studied Mark's performance during several meetings. He discovered many behavior patterns that Mark could improve with practice.
Better Brainstorming
In the first meeting Mark's goal was to brainstorm a new product launch. The group was diverse, and included people from sales, marketing, R&D and engineering. Several attendees wanted to pursue multiple parallel paths to compare outcomes.
Mark disagreed. He thought deadlines were too tight to allow for several different plans. So he refused to listen to suggestions and pushed his own agenda forward. When the meeting was over, attendees grumbled that Mark was overbearing. They felt unheard.
Listening vs. Agreeing
One mistake Mark made was to confuse listening with agreeing. It never occurred to him that he could respectfully give air time to concepts without personally endorsing them. In other words, he had misunderstood the whole idea behind brain-storming, namely to allow people to consider many different ideas without judgment.
Building Rapport
Another problem Mark had was allowing tension to build in a group. As the leader, he neglected his responsibility to nurture cohesion and camaraderie.
Similarly, Mark rarely gave strokes or positive remarks. He tended to make caustic comments like, "You're not making any sense."
As a result, participants felt put down and held back from making suggestions.
During coaching sessions Mark learned how to give compliments and sound sincere. He practiced commenting on ideas rather than people. This helped reduce strife, and minimized ruffled feathers and damaged egos.
Agenda Woes
Mark also tended to try to jam too many topics into meetings. Then he'd rush participants without giving adequate time for discussion. A three-pronged plan made it easier for him to avoid frustration.
1. Schedule a reasonable number of topics per hour.
2. Publish an agenda ahead of time.
3. Assign specific amounts of time to each topic, with a timekeeper assigned to staying on schedule.
Achieving Accord
Mark's biggest mistake lay in using task-oriented behavior rather than a process-oriented approach. A task orientation includes seeking information, clarifying, elaborating and summarizing. It places work before people.
A process approach, on the other hand, keeps the focus on human interaction. It involves gatekeeping, active listening, reinforcing positive effort and harmonizing.
Mark rehearsed making process-type comments in coaching sessions. He practiced saying things like, "good question," and "I understand your concerns." At first he was very awkward making remarks that seemed nurturing or "soft." But after a while they became second nature.
The bottom line for Mark - and for others who feel most at home discussing technical topics - is to relax and open up. Empathize with participants and establish rapport with the other folks at meetings. Make their ideas seem important and valued, even if you think they're irrelevant nonsense. Teambuilding is the name of the game in Corporate America. And your people-skills, exhibited during meetings, are key to your ultimate success.